I remember the feeling like it was yesterday. He was tall, hazel eyed, and blonde. He sat right in front of me in our calc class during my freshman year of college. I laughed, flirted, and talked to him after our lectures. After a few weeks, I was sure that he liked me back. I was on Cloud 9 envisioning our future relationship; I was a ray of sunlight, a walking bit of euphoria, a girl in love.
And then it was over. OK, not really over, but over for me. It was obvious he didn’t like me back. I cried, ate a lot of chocolate chip cookies, and watched chick flicks. I would sit for hours rethinking every action, text, and word I had said to him, wondering where I had gone wrong. I would sit in my best friend’s dorm room recounting every single thing that had happened between us. She would be folding laundry, sympathizing, and telling me it would be OK. I didn’t want to believe her, but I made myself hope for the better.
A little over a week went by. I started getting sick of cookies and being overly emotional. My practical side took over and I made a personal commitment to just get over him.
Easier said then done.
I began to realize that my self esteem was going down the tubes. I was beating myself up for being too forward, too flirty, or too weird. This had to stop. I was determined to get back my confidence.
Before I tell you what I did to gain back my confidence, let me be clear about something: If a guy doesn’t like you back, don’t push it. You’re obviously just not meant to be together right now. So don’t ask him out, call him, or send him desperate texts. Stay friends, especially if you see each other often in social or work situations.
However, just because he doesn’t like you back doesn’t mean you should stop acting likable. See how I bolded “right now” in the previous paragraph? Just because something doesn’t work out in the present doesn’t mean it won’t come together in the future.
Pretend you briefly caught a fish, but you lost him. The next step is to focus on not only catching him again, but reeling him in to you.
This is the approach I took to Calculus Boy. I didn’t push anything relationship wise, but I set a personal goal of being the most likable, intelligent, witty, beautiful girl he knew. Even if he never worked out, I was striving to be the best version of myself, and is there anything wrong with that?
No. In fact, being the best we can be should be a daily goal; we should be trying to express ourselves to every person in every moment of our lives. But it isn’t that simple. Sometimes, it takes someone special, someone you really, really like, to bring out the best in you.
Check back for my follow up post where I explain HOW I gained back my lost confidence!
Have a beautiful day! ~Shellie